Sunday, November 19, 2006

NEW YORK HATES AMERICA

Poll Exposes Pro-Hillary, Racist Bias

(New York) Edging ever closer to Massachusetts’ formerly-undisputed title of “America’s Most Out-of-the-Mainstream State,” New York today made it clear that when it comes to America-hating, it truly is the city-state that never sleeps.
A new Quinnipiac poll revealed that Hillary would crush Rudy Giuliani in a hypothetical 2008 presidential election. The poll, which sampled the seditious opinion of 1,314 patrons of Greenwich Village’s “Elanor Roosevelt Lounge” during the height of its annual week-long “We Hate Italians” celebration, has Hillary winning 67% to 47%, proving once again that not only do New Yorkers hate America, they apparently suck at math (on a related note, the poll had an error margin of ± 110%)



Luckily, and although New York considers itself the center of the universe, the phrase “As New York goes, so goes the nation” has never caught on in political circles. “Virginia is for lovers, but New York is for losers” opined incoming GOP chairman Mel Martinez, pointing out that the Empire State backed Al Gore and John Kerry in the past two presidential elections. “You’d think the that the state that was attacked on 9/11 would love America just a tad more, but no. Heck, those ingrates even protested our national convention there two years ago. Ungrateful Jew bastards!”

By satirically attacking Jews, Martinez was merely alluding to allegations that the poll revealed New York’s inherent racism. Giuliani is, after all, a white, Catholic male of Italian heritage who was also a former mayor of the state’s largest city…making him an easily-targeted minority of one (Fiorello LaGuardia and Vincent Impellitteri might have been allies of Rudy, but unfortunately both are currently dead.) Despite being the hero of 9/11, throughout his political career Giuliani has been the victim of Italian stereotypes…specifically, that all Italians have mob ties. “How ironic,” noted Martinez. “I mean, everyone knows that it’s Hillary who is turkey-neck-deep in organized crime. Hello? Whitewater?”

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7 Comments:

At 4:33 PM, Blogger Troll Watcher said...

It's not that New Yorkers love Hillary in as much as Rudy's starting to look like Joe Pantoliano as he ages. Not good at all.

 
At 5:42 PM, Anonymous Rex Kramer said...

Ironically, Joey Pants is also a former mayor (OK, he just played one in "Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector.")

P.S. No, I didn't see the movie, but thank God for imdb.com

 
At 7:54 PM, Blogger AJ said...

Rex, Whitewater?? Ha! That would be one of the minor points. Have you heard how busy the Arkansas International Airports-
(yes- that's plural)-
during Clinton's governorship were? Hmmm?
I don't think they were importing just fresh coffee beans.

 
At 10:20 PM, Anonymous Rex Kramer said...

AJ: Wait a second...Arkansas has an airport?!?

 
At 7:12 PM, Blogger Donkeyhue said...

Rudy is a conservative?

Im proud to announce that not all of NYC is insane. My district is one of the few where the Republican candidate didnt lose by 90+ points. It actually pained me to pull the lever for the guy..but I went straight GOP ticket this year.

For some good comedy search "danniel maio god loves stories" on youtube or check out my site on 10/30/06 for video of this ass clown.

 
At 12:29 PM, Anonymous New York loves America said...

NY hates America? No New York hates backward wing nuts like you, but we love America.

 
At 12:25 PM, Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

Sweetie, any self respecting NYer hated Rudy before 09/11 and wanted his arse on a stick after. Let's not discuss the homeless roundups that plagued most of his true work. You know, before Hollywood and their cameras showed up. Even Steinbrener couldn't save that guy's image with a true NYer.

And MA, AG's second homeland, may be all that and a bag of chips, but CA was always all that and carton of milk. CA is the state where you can give your buddy head before the bus arrives but there will be no smoking, AG repeats no smoking, while waiting for it.

 

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