Monday, November 06, 2006

CHENEY’S GOT A GUN!

VP On “Hunt For Red November”

(Big Stone City, SD) Those close to “Dead Eye” Dick Cheney know that the Vice President lives by two credos. The first, of course, is “Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women,” but this is closely followed by, “when the going gets tough, the tough go hunting!” With the plethora of Democratic attack ads supported by the weight of the liberal media making this campaign season one of the toughest ever for his party,
Cheney will go hunting on Election Day and leave behind in Washington the negative politics of the Democratic Party. “I’ve gotta go kill something,” enthusiastically grumbled the Vice President as he exited a White House staff meeting in which the latest mid-term election polls were discussed.



An aide explained that Cheney’s trip to abortion-free South Dakota will differ from his most recent hunting expedition in that the VP will be carrying buck (and not bird) shot, and there is little chance that anyone in his party will be shot in the face. Joining Cheney on the trip will be his daughter Mary and political advisor Mel Raines, both of whom will be donning bullet-proof goalie masks during the trip to protect themselves from being recognized by radical abortion rights activists. “I always stand behind the Vice President,” loyally vowed Raines, who will keep Cheney updated on the elections during the killing spree. “Sometimes several steps behind, and often protected by cover from incoming fire, and possibly while carrying a sign that reads ‘please don’t shoot me,’ but stand behind him I do.”

While Cheney’s exact location in South Dakota is undisclosed and the nature of his prey is unknown, it is suspected that he’ll be stalking a species whose population seems to have exploded over the past two years. “The American donkey herds need to be thinned,” argued newly-appointed Secretary of the Interior Ted Nugent. “Their numbers have increased beyond the ability of their environment to sustain them, and they’ve become quite aggressive of late. I believe their mere existence threatens our national security, and more importantly, the Vice President shares my view.”

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11 Comments:

At 7:31 AM, Anonymous gordo said...

That's what I've always liked about Cheney: he understands that there's no problem so big or so complicated that it can't be solved by killing something.

 
At 7:48 AM, Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Guess he's tired of all this talk about his gay daughter. It's good he doesn't allow a national election to mess up his killing plan.

 
At 2:02 PM, Blogger Frederick said...

Is he taking his wife, perhaps?

 
At 2:26 PM, Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Gordo: Never let it be said that Dick's not an environmentalist, as he firmly believes the credo, "blood makes the grass grow!"

POP: The VP knows that God gave us (the Republicans) dominion over the beasts. Who are we to question Him?

Frederick: Alas, Mrs. Cheney is opposed to killing does, but is more than ok with killing prose!

 
At 3:25 PM, Anonymous glenda said...

He doesn't dare come back to south Texas...what a dork.

 
At 7:23 PM, Blogger Laurie said...

Is the beloved VP capable of hitting a legitimate target?

 
At 7:51 PM, Blogger Lew Scannon said...

Be careful, Mel, Dick Whittington was standing behind Cheney when he got a blast of bird shot in the face. Better to wait with Dick's medical emergency team, He'd never shoot them.

 
At 9:10 PM, Blogger Kvatch said...

Cheney loves America but hates his daughter.

 
At 9:12 PM, Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Glenda: Dick learned long ago not to mess with Texas.

Laurie: Of course he is! Have you already forgotten the way he knee-capped John Edwards in their debate?

Lew: The medical team are just decoys, Lew. It's the re-animator team that matters!

 
At 9:13 PM, Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Kvatch: "Hate" is such an ugly word...especially when it's followed by "America" or "the baby Jesus."

 
At 1:29 AM, Blogger Donkeyhue said...

I need a new moniker. Damn you Andrew Jackson and Thomas Nast. Damn you to hell.

 

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