CHENEY’S GOT A GUN!
VP On “Hunt For Red November”
(Big Stone City, SD) Those close to “Dead Eye” Dick Cheney know that the Vice President lives by two credos. The first, of course, is “Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women,” but this is closely followed by, “when the going gets tough, the tough go hunting!” With the plethora of Democratic attack ads supported by the weight of the liberal media making this campaign season one of the toughest ever for his party, Cheney will go hunting on Election Day and leave behind in Washington the negative politics of the Democratic Party. “I’ve gotta go kill something,” enthusiastically grumbled the Vice President as he exited a White House staff meeting in which the latest mid-term election polls were discussed.
An aide explained that Cheney’s trip to abortion-free South Dakota will differ from his most recent hunting expedition in that the VP will be carrying buck (and not bird) shot, and there is little chance that anyone in his party will be shot in the face. Joining Cheney on the trip will be his daughter Mary and political advisor Mel Raines, both of whom will be donning bullet-proof goalie masks during the trip to protect themselves from being recognized by radical abortion rights activists. “I always stand behind the Vice President,” loyally vowed Raines, who will keep Cheney updated on the elections during the killing spree. “Sometimes several steps behind, and often protected by cover from incoming fire, and possibly while carrying a sign that reads ‘please don’t shoot me,’ but stand behind him I do.”
While Cheney’s exact location in South Dakota is undisclosed and the nature of his prey is unknown, it is suspected that he’ll be stalking a species whose population seems to have exploded over the past two years. “The American donkey herds need to be thinned,” argued newly-appointed Secretary of the Interior Ted Nugent. “Their numbers have increased beyond the ability of their environment to sustain them, and they’ve become quite aggressive of late. I believe their mere existence threatens our national security, and more importantly, the Vice President shares my view.”