Tuesday, October 31, 2006

THE YEAR OF LIVING SPURIOUSLY

SG Turns One Year Old, But Acts At Least Three

Tonight while the illegitimate children of satan-worshipping single welfare mothers are roaming your neighborhood like a pack of Somali thugs, whoring themselves door-to-door for wrapped baubles of confectionary or crack cocaine, the Spurious George staff will gather at Rex Kramer’s estate for their weekly prayer dinner and Trivial Pursuit (Reagan Edition) tournament. While most of the evening’s conversation will no doubt be consumed with praises for the Lord and prayers for Mark Foley’s soul, we may allow ourselves the forgivable sin of pride when he toast today’s first anniversary of Spurious George with a glass of domestic, non-alcoholic champagne.


Just one year ago today I started SG with nothing more than an outdated computer and a dream…a dream to educate the hippie horde about the sweet, sweet lightness of being inherent in unquestioned America-loving. While the dream remains the same, so much else, unlike the average hippie’s underwear, has changed. Thanks to our tax-exempt status as a recognized religion, we’ve been able to move up from our original, humbles offices (aka “mom’s spare room”) to the stately Kramerica Kompound, a palatial estate befitting an organization as universally-applauded as ours, and which often times serves as one of Dick Cheney’s “undisclosed locations” whenever the terrorist threat level rises above yellow. Also, we have embossed stationary now…and are thinking about getting team jackets.

I will admit that when we started this kooky thing we promised this would be a one-year-only endeavor, after which the entire staff would enlist in the Marine Corps with the understanding that we’d all be sent to Iraq until the war was won once and for all. That said, it has become clear to us that, much like the Republicans who swore in 1994 that they would serve a maximum of twelve years in Congress, we serve our nation much more efficiently in our current positions. We of course support our troops, and look forward to joining them on the front lines of freedom this time next year. Maybe. We have this trick knee, you see.

In any event, it has been a pleasure providing RexHead Nation© with near-daily doses of patriotic prose for the past 365.25 days. Now, go get a haircut!

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15 Comments:

At 3:48 AM, Blogger sumo said...

Well...I guess congratulations is in order...but I shant cut my hair thank you very much.

 
At 7:39 AM, Blogger pissed off patricia said...

George, I'm pretty sure the baby jesus is smiling today for you and your American effort.

This is just one more reason for me to have one more martini tonight after handing out treats to our little hippie neighbors.

Along with Sumo, I refuse to cut my hair but I might get a shower just for the hell of it. That would make it my second one this month, but for you, anything.

 
At 8:12 AM, Blogger Wickedmick said...

Congrats on the one year. Good job on Staying the Course, errrr, we never said Stay the Course, or did we.....

 
At 9:49 AM, Blogger Frederick said...

"a glass of domestic, non-alcoholic champagne."

Isn't that called ginger ale?

Congratulations, I hope a year has been long enough for you to have forgotten my first obtuse comment here.

 
At 10:00 AM, Blogger DivaJood said...

We have the same birthday, except I'm not talking about my blog.

Anyway, I'm not cutting my hair either, but I did wash my face in your honor.

 
At 10:51 AM, Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Uh, one question. If I take that shower, do I have to wash all over or just the places that show?

 
At 2:57 PM, Blogger Kvatch said...

A haiku for this glorious day -

A blessed year with Rex
The left shudders, hides, recants.
Rex for president!

 
At 5:52 PM, Anonymous Dude said...

Rex, what can I say that hasn't already been said...except, does this mean your Mom's spare room is up for grabs?

 
At 6:40 PM, Blogger Donkeyhue said...

Im becoming koncerned with your kompulsive use of the letter K. Are you trying to send us a message? Eh Komrade? Eh?

 
At 6:59 PM, Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Folks, Baby Jesus and the entire staff of Spurious George thank you for your kind-esque responses. We truly did intend to close up shop after one year, but how could we when there remain so many hippies left unconverted? That said, if the Democrats win the House, Senate, every governorship AND the White House in November, we not only will cease and desist, we will issue a formal apology to Hillary Clinton for all the things we've both said and thought about her over the past year. Deal?

 
At 8:23 PM, Anonymous gordo said...

Rex--

How is the Reagan edition of Trivial Pursuit? I was thinking of getting it, but couldn't imagine anything about the man being trivial.

 
At 10:33 PM, Blogger Callooh said...

in honour of your first year, I have made an appt. for a hair cut (and possibly some funky highlights)

happy Samhain!

 
At 12:50 AM, Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

Congrats Rex!

 
At 6:45 PM, Blogger AJ said...

Congratulations Rex! I can barely remember when I was one of your only fans many months ago. At least I can die peacefully in my sleep at an old age (think Titanic) being able to tell my grandkids I knew Rex Kramer before he was syndicated and bought out by the Tribune Company.

 
At 8:24 PM, Blogger Lily said...

Rex,
Did you actually suggest that republicans actually enlist in the war effort??? Do I have that right?

I figured unlike Rush and company, you as a patriot already did your duty.

Congrats, Rex. You have and will remain one of my favorites, and in your honor I set both my Birkenstocks AND Audubon backpack on fire.

Why did your location change to Crawford? Are you on drugs again? (controlled oxycontins of course, not street drugs like those poor people abuse)

 

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