Sunday, October 29, 2006


Unopposed “Elections” Kick Ass!

(Washington) Republican National Committee chairman Ken Mehlman has seen the future of elections, and it is good. Cheering a report which indicates that
30% of the nation’s legislative candidates are running unopposed in this election, Mehlman predicted that in coming years that figure could, and should, go higher. “Those who are disgusted by the Democrats’ negative and divisive campaign ads will undoubtedly demand the civility that is inherent in the single-candidate ballot,” proclaimed Mehlman, a long-time proponent of polite polling. “If we as Americans are to speak as one voice as the Constitution demands we do, there simply is no better way to accomplish this than to limit the voices on the ballot to one. To suggest otherwise means one does not support the troops. It’s that simple, people.”

Mehlman is hardly alone in his advocacy for a streamlined election process. Mainstream citizens such as incumbents from both parties, campaign strategists and liberty-loving lobbyists all believe that when it comes to election options, one is hardly the loneliest number. “An unopposed election means less time on the campaign trail and more time doing America’s business,” reasonably asserted Senator and President pro tempore Ted Stevens (R-AK.) “Business such as building bridges to nowhere, placing secret holds on votes intended to create transparency in government, and determining once and for all that the internet is just a
series of tubes.”

While most are allowing the political market dictate the future of unopposed elections, more forward-thinking conservatives are more pro-active in bringing this sensible concept to fruition. Among these is Ken Blackwell of Ohio, the GOP’s nominee for governor. While not endorsing the plan directly, some of his more efficiency-minded minions have proposed that
Ohio’s Secretary of State use his powers to remove his opponent from the ballot. While some might argue that the Democratic candidate’s double-digit lead in the polls is behind this movement, those kind of people just hate America.

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At 9:51 AM, Blogger Kvatch said...

In related news, the House Republican leadership announced the introduction of a bill that would officially rename the chamber the 'US Supreme Soviet'.

At 1:42 PM, Anonymous gordo said...

When I heard that Blackwell was going to toss his opponent off the ballot, I realized that he's the only real Republican of the whole bunch.

Mehlman wants to trust the Democrats to not run candidates. Imagine, allowing Democrats to decide how the elections are going to be run. What a RINO.

At 5:17 PM, Blogger sumo said...

Rex...sure you're not hitting that BONG a little too much lately?

At 11:00 PM, Blogger Frederick said...

I've heard it said that to much choice is not a good thing...

At 11:09 PM, Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Kvatch: "Supreme Soviet?" Sounds vaguely French!

Gordo: God bless Blackwell...if for no other reason that he draws attention away from the other elections we're fixing!

Sumo: You know I just say no...drugs are for losers. Now excuse me while I polish off a few stiff ones while gambling on how much pornography I can view in an hour.

Frederick: That's the spirit! I mean there's no selection at wholesale clubs, but can you beat their prices? No, no you can't!


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