LET’S PARTY LIKE IT’S 1945!

Congress Funds “Victory in Iraq” Blow-Out

(Washington) More than three years after the US mission in Iraq was accomplished, obstructionist Congressional Democrats have blocked every attempt to stage a well-deserved victory celebration befitting the heroes of that war. However, undeterred and superiorly patriotic, Republican Senate leaders have finally succeeded in earmarking $20 million for “commemoration of success in Iraq and Afghanistan” festivities. “Republicans are confident we will be victorious in the ongoing war in terror, and we look forward to a time when those funds can be used to honor the men and women who have risked and given their lives," asserted Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) through a spokesman (actual quote.) The aide added that the slated $20 million dollars should easily pay for the planned 100-foot statue of a flight suit-attired George Bush, as well as the nuclear-powered hover cars that will carry leading Republicans along the parade route.


Not surprisingly, leaders of the Wet Blanket Party are attempting to rain on the patriotic parade. “If the Bush administration is planning victory celebrations, Americans deserve to know what their plan is to get us to a victory in Iraq,” whined an assistant to Senate Minority Harry Reid (D-NV.) According to several sources, the party of Jane Fonda is planning a “failure in Iraq and Afghanistan” event in Nancy Pelosi’s backyard, where soldiers will be burned in effigy and the American flag will be spit upon by Hillary Clinton.

In addition to statues and hover cars, tentative plans for the celebration include special honors for those most responsible for our nation’s swift successes. Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney will, of course, be awarded with the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Also, Colin Powell will be presented with an honorary Oscar, for his pre-war performance before the UN. While the non-liberal taxpayer is more than happy to foot the bill for these small tokens of appreciation, event organizer Paul Wolfowitz declares that Iraqi-manufactured souvenirs will more than pay for extravaganza.