Thursday, October 05, 2006


Congress Funds “Victory in Iraq” Blow-Out

(Washington) More than three years after the US mission in Iraq was accomplished, obstructionist Congressional Democrats have blocked every attempt to stage a well-deserved victory celebration befitting the heroes of that war. However, undeterred and superiorly patriotic, Republican Senate leaders have finally succeeded in earmarking
$20 million for “commemoration of success in Iraq and Afghanistan” festivities. “Republicans are confident we will be victorious in the ongoing war in terror, and we look forward to a time when those funds can be used to honor the men and women who have risked and given their lives," asserted Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) through a spokesman (actual quote.) The aide added that the slated $20 million dollars should easily pay for the planned 100-foot statue of a flight suit-attired George Bush, as well as the nuclear-powered hover cars that will carry leading Republicans along the parade route.

Not surprisingly, leaders of the Wet Blanket Party are attempting to rain on the patriotic parade. “If the Bush administration is planning victory celebrations, Americans deserve to know what their plan is to get us to a victory in Iraq,” whined an assistant to Senate Minority Harry Reid (D-NV.) According to several sources, the party of Jane Fonda is planning a “failure in Iraq and Afghanistan” event in Nancy Pelosi’s backyard, where soldiers will be burned in effigy and the American flag will be spit upon by Hillary Clinton.

In addition to statues and hover cars, tentative plans for the celebration include special honors for those most responsible for our nation’s swift successes. Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney will, of course, be awarded with the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Also, Colin Powell will be presented with an honorary Oscar, for his pre-war performance before the UN. While the non-liberal taxpayer is more than happy to foot the bill for these small tokens of appreciation, event organizer Paul Wolfowitz declares that Iraqi-manufactured souvenirs will more than pay for extravaganza.


At 4:18 PM, Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Oh yes, I wrote about this today too. Such a party we were planning unitl those 7000 Iraqi police joined up with the death squads. Bummer. Now we have to wait until the death squads sit down before we can stand up and leave.......or something like that.

I haven't decided what to wear to the big shindig. Wonder what people will be wearing in 2020?

At 4:21 PM, Blogger pissed off patricia said...

oops that should have been 700, not 7000. Probably closer to 7000 but that's not what the report says. Forgive my error, please

At 4:43 PM, Blogger AJ said...

A Party? Where? Are loyal SG/TBR party members invited? Can we hit on the women without being sued for SH? Patricia is talking about 700 what?
I kinda lost focus after reading-

"..along the parade route."


At 6:30 PM, Anonymous Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

POP: Sure, there's still a few loose strings to tie up, but we're also the same people who celebrated the millenium a year early!

AJ: Sexual harassment? At a Republican party? Hell, we have all the judges on our side!

At 6:59 PM, Blogger Lew Scannon said...

And they're going to fund this with a mere $20 million? I mean defense contractor spent half that much on his daughter's bat mitzvah and the best they could come up with for entertainment was Aerosmith.

At 6:02 AM, Blogger Frederick said...


At 8:34 AM, Anonymous Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Lew: I have two words for you re: the party entertainment: Lee Greenwood.

Fred: Great minds think alike. Or so I'm told.

At 3:00 PM, Blogger Donkeyhue said...

But I hear it'll be open bar. What are you complaining about? I thought hippies loved hand-outs.

At 2:56 AM, Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

Lee Greenwood rocks!

At 8:20 AM, Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

DH: I'm....I'm sorry....did you just refer to me as a HIPPIE?!?

G-man: Oh yes, yes he does. Rolls, also.


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