Sunday, October 08, 2006

BUSH’S MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

USS George HW Bush (Eventually) Sets Sail For Ass-Kicking!

(Newport News, VA) Atoning for their egregious error in not re-electing him in 1992,
Americans gladly paid $6 billion for the USS George HW Bush, the last of the Nimitz-class nuclear/nucular aircraft carriers. Bush’s name rightfully joins other American warrior-kings who have been so honored, including Washington, Lincoln, Roosevelt, Eisenhower and Truman. “I don’t see God damn Clinton’s names on one of these puppies,” demurely declared former First Lady Barbara Bush as she christened the ship by breaking a bottle of Halliburton champagne across her bow (the ship’s, not Babs’.)

While an unforeseen thunder storm interfered with an otherwise wildly successful celebration, luminaries from across the political spectrum gathered in Newport News to honor the man Saddam Hussein attempted to assassinate. Primary among these was President Bush, who some suggest will one day have an entire class of floating prison ships named after him. In his remarks, the President made uncanny comparisons between the Navy’s newest weapon of mass destruction and his own dedication to staying the course in Iraq. “She is unrelenting, she is unshakable, she is unyielding, she is unstoppable,” praised Bush the Younger as he scribbled “To Osama, Wherever You Are” onto an onboard cruise missile.

Of course, the USS Bush and the glorious struggle in Iraq have little in common. For example, the ship is only partially completed, has no hard timetable for departure, and with only 330 assigned sailors, is woefully understaffed. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, however, is unconcerned about the Bush’s fitness for duty. “You set sail with the $6 billion aircraft carrier you have, not with the $6 billion aircraft carrier you wish you had!”

20 Comments:

At 4:01 PM, Blogger AJ said...

Is it just me or do you see an ex-First Lady Barbara Bush, Hillary, Ann Coutler and a Condi Vampire/ Black Widow genre?

There's something strangly exciting about being spent&devoured by Condi Rice but Barbara Bush Sr. just gives me... the creeps.

 
At 4:38 PM, Blogger AJ said...

sorry to hog the comments but it's not a coincidence you are writing about the USS Bush. What about the newly revamped ENTERPRISE?

Incidentally, the Eisenhower just left our lovely area...leaving a bit more space-not much, but a bit more on the roads.

Anyway, in a Forteanesque "coincidence" did you realize that this massive task force is leaving pursuant to UN Security Council Resolution 1701? Which was approved Aug 11 ,06?
What number is relative to 1701? Remember Star Trek?

Another "coincidence" is the time stamp that Rex posted this article, this AM....9:11.


OK, enough conspiracy. I'll go back to normal now...

 
At 7:20 PM, Blogger Liliana said...

Didn't the Enterprise just get auctioned off?

I have had Halliburton champagne, and let me tell you, it made my throat scream.

 
At 11:16 PM, Anonymous Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

AJ: This is what I love about you (in a completely non-Mark Foley kind of way)...your ability to keep the aluminum industry in the red thanks to your refusal to wear the same tinfoil hat two days in a row!

Lily: I get the same effect from domestic beer. While America kicks ass, even I admit our brew blows.

 
At 8:03 AM, Blogger AJ said...

Thanks Rex. Does that mean you're not mad at me anymore for that silly little incident with your cousin?

 
At 9:28 AM, Anonymous Bea Arthur's Bedroom Burlesque said...

AJ you been cheatin on me you pig? I'ma come down there and beat your ass!

 
At 9:29 AM, Anonymous Lily said...

By the way...file this under "not like you care"...Your links blind me, did you know that?

 
At 10:36 AM, Blogger Frederick said...

Lily, blinded by the Right is the theme of teh 00"s...

 
At 11:29 AM, Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Bush looked bored out of his mind when others were speaking. Probably cause it wasn't his own name slapped on the ship

 
At 1:54 PM, Blogger AJ said...

Lily, no way girl! It was just...a misunderstanding- I swear! Ask Rex.
You know you're my favorite intellectual & sexy stay-at-home mom.

 
At 2:20 PM, Blogger GraemeAnfinson said...

Can't wait until we use it to take over a nation of brown people!

 
At 6:19 PM, Blogger Lola Heatherton said...

My, that's a big one. It's so big, it's scary!

 
At 7:03 PM, Anonymous Dude said...

$6 Billion is chicken feed. We mislaid that kind of money (and then some) in Iraq the first year there.

 
At 10:32 PM, Anonymous gordo said...

dude--

That money wasn't mislaid. It bought the thriving Democracy that now stands as a shining example to every nonwhite nation on earth!

 
At 8:49 AM, Blogger PTCruiser said...

Good old Rummy seems to have an answer for everything.

 
At 7:42 AM, Anonymous Glenda said...

Hey, Rex, another insightful twisting of words to create a delightful read.

 
At 12:32 PM, Blogger AJ said...

delightful read?? REX??

The Dude and LOC are just letting him think
he has talent so they can get outta some speeding tickets whent they visit Disneyworld.

It's not fair, I tell ya...

 
At 11:43 PM, Blogger Liliana said...

Did you hallucinate LOC here??? Cos I must have missed him.

 
At 5:39 PM, Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

PT cruiser nails it.

 
At 8:38 PM, Anonymous The Biblical Voice Of Charlton Heston said...

Kramer,


Is your blog sitting around watung for welfare or something?

 

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