Monday, September 04, 2006


Suspects Financed Terror with Viagra, Face Stiff Penalty

(Montreal) Like the old saying goes, “spare the rod, spoil the terrorists.”

That’s the attitude American and Canadian prosecutors are taking, as they plan on sticking it to a
terrorist ring that funded Hezbollah through black-market sales of counterfeit Viagra. “These little pricks are both dope-pushers, counterfeiters AND terrorists. They need to hung…well hung,” dead-panned Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. Gonzales, a hard man with a hard job, promised that the offenders would be punished for their anti-American boners. “Oh yes, they will serve a long, hard sentence, with little or no chance of sweet, sweet release.”

Thus far, federal agents have been unable to obtain any useful information from the suspects during their lengthy interrogations. “They’re all hard as rocks,” commented one envious law enforcement officer. The agent, however, was of the firm belief that the detainees would “soften up eventually.”

In Washington speaking at the proudly-upright Washington Monument, Vice President “Big Dick” Cheney applauded the work of law enforcement in keeping America safe from terrorists. “Someday, Americans will erect monuments to these heroes,” predicted the Veep, adding that police everywhere have been “pitching tents” on our borders and coasts since 9/11. “These folks refuse to stand down, despite what the limp media has to say.” Cheney, whose speeches can go on for hours, unfortunately had to cut this most recent one short…but as we all know, that happens to every man sometimes.


At 11:37 PM, Anonymous Elizabeth Branford said...

First of all, fitness guru Rush? I dont know why I peruse your festering freedom-fighting fiction.

I need the whistling music. Its just not the same.

At 9:07 AM, Blogger pissed off patricia said...

Cool, you got every reference in. :)

At 10:38 AM, Blogger AJ said...

Rex-I also have seen the hard evidence of terrorist supplied Viagra in the military and have been appalled at the strip clubs supplying visionary ecstasy to everything that breaths with a spare twenty dollar bill (and quite a few singles).
In selfless spirit blessed rapture I was successful in obtaining a grant from CBN and penetrating the decadence in places that advertise happy-happy hour specials each day and thrice on weekends.
The frothy photos I was able to take only confirmed the dripping & excited debauchery that is enigmatic in military hot spots-which incidentally helped finance the next insider triumph.
We must all do our part and thrust the KJV all they way, down, in and through these sad, pathetic
Viagra-fed lost souls.

*im sorry, i just couldn't resist

At 3:26 PM, Blogger Russ said...

The Blue-Pill Terrorist Gang. Good thing the Canucks and Bushies caught this bunch of hardened Islamists. It will give the Guantanamo girls something to point at.

At 7:42 PM, Anonymous Rex Kramer, Viagra-Seeker said...

EB: It was an old article; I was just stretching my adjective muscles at the time. These days, I'd probably describe Rush as "clean-living Rush Limbaugh."

POP: Not even close! I kept a sack of double entendres in reserve, should I need to inflate another Viagra story in the future.

AJ: Keep up the good work! Jesus would approve (although he seriously wants you to repent.)

Russ: I'm glad you brought up Gitmo. It would seem the most fitting punishment for these islamo-phrarmacists is being sent to an island surrounded by nothing but other men and no, um, outlet!

At 8:36 PM, Blogger Kvatch said...

Auuugggghhhh! Too...many...references...tooooo---aghghgh--gak!


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