TERRORISTS CAUGHT WITH THEIR PANTS DOWN!

Suspects Financed Terror with Viagra, Face Stiff Penalty

(Montreal) Like the old saying goes, “spare the rod, spoil the terrorists.”

That’s the attitude American and Canadian prosecutors are taking, as they plan on sticking it to a terrorist ring that funded Hezbollah through black-market sales of counterfeit Viagra. “These little pricks are both dope-pushers, counterfeiters AND terrorists. They need to hung…well hung,” dead-panned Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. Gonzales, a hard man with a hard job, promised that the offenders would be punished for their anti-American boners. “Oh yes, they will serve a long, hard sentence, with little or no chance of sweet, sweet release.”



Thus far, federal agents have been unable to obtain any useful information from the suspects during their lengthy interrogations. “They’re all hard as rocks,” commented one envious law enforcement officer. The agent, however, was of the firm belief that the detainees would “soften up eventually.”

In Washington speaking at the proudly-upright Washington Monument, Vice President “Big Dick” Cheney applauded the work of law enforcement in keeping America safe from terrorists. “Someday, Americans will erect monuments to these heroes,” predicted the Veep, adding that police everywhere have been “pitching tents” on our borders and coasts since 9/11. “These folks refuse to stand down, despite what the limp media has to say.” Cheney, whose speeches can go on for hours, unfortunately had to cut this most recent one short…but as we all know, that happens to every man sometimes.