THE MOST AMERICA-LOVING STATE?

Wyoming Wives Want Winchesters!

In this, the third installment of a 50-part (non-consecutive series,) Spurious George continues its attempt to answer the previously- unanswerable question; which state is the most patriotic? Thus far Kentucky and Indiana have both been deemed worthy of W’s wonderfulness…today we look west of the Mississippi and wonder whether Wyoming warrants wespect, um, respect.

(Cheyenne) While it may be America’s least-populated state, Wyoming has produced some of this nation’s greatest heroes. From Leonard Hobbs (developer of the turbo jet airplane) to James Watt (former Secretary of the Interior) to the second greatest living American Dick Cheney, Wyoming has seen her share of native sons rise up to make this country great. Added to that august list this week was state senator Cale Case (R-Lander,) who is leading the fight to give guns to those convicted of domestic violence!




With Case as its champion, Wyoming, known far and wide as “the Equality State” as it was the first state in the Union to give women the right to vote and also the first state governed by a woman, is looking to “hit the feminist trifecta” by guaranteeing womenfolk the right to be protected by her well-armed man. If Senator Case’s noble cause reaches fruition, those convicted in liberal courts of “a little misunderstanding with the wife” would have their conviction expunged, and thus be allowed to exercise their God-given 2nd Amendment rights. “If we can get the constitutional rights remedied, that would be a great thing,” heroically gushed Case (actual quote.)

The saintly senator’s proposed legislation was greeted by a round of applause (and celebratory gunfire) by America’s pre-eminent gun owner and proud Wyoming native, Vice President Dick Cheney. “The rejectionist proponents of gun control are almost in their last throes,” predicted the NRA life member. Cheney also dismissed allegations made by victim advocate groups who lamely argue that Case’s bill is inherently pro-domestic violence. “I have no doubt that Wyoming’s women will welcome their gun-owning, convicted-felon husbands as heroes…if they know what’s good for them, of course!”

In an unrelated story, former football great O.J. Simpson announced that his search for “the real killers” of his wife has moved to Cheyenne. While a representative reported that Simpson felt “right at home” in Wyoming, he was concerned about the lack of shops carrying Bruno Magli shoes.

Rex’s Note: Still no baby, Kramericans©.