LIKE HIGHER TAXES? VOTE DEMOCRAT!

Liberals Would Raise Taxes $2.4 Trillion. No, Really!

(Washington) The famously unbiased and non-partisan website GOP.com today revealed that in the unlikely event that Democrats fraudulently seize control of Congress in the upcoming mid-term elections, they will raise taxes to historically high levels. Citing only slightly out-of-context quotes from or about tax-and-spend titans such as John Kerry, Ted Kennedy, and Harry Reid, the fair-and-balanced site announced that it was the liberals’ intent to raise taxes a whopping and America-hating $2.4 trillion dollars!



According to an impartial report produced by the Treasury Department, single mother, the elderly and middle-income families would suffer most under Democratic rule. For example, a family of four earning $50,000 would owe the Beltway insiders an additional $2,092 per year…a 132% increase of the pittance they now pay with the benevolent Republican leadership in place. “I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather have $2000 in my pocket than in the government’s,” reasonably commented former Congressman Bob Ney (R-OH.) “No, seriously, I could really use the money. My legal fees are killing me!”

With the economy humming, the budget under control and unemployment at an all-time lowish level, many fiscally-responsible Americans are rightfully questioning why the out-of-the-mainstream party would feel compelled to overtax citizens if (God forbid) they get their pot-stained fingers on the nation’s purse strings. “I’ve heard they want to create a gigantic new bureaucracy to oversee federally-funded opulent gay wedding receptions, guaranteed welfare-for-life for drug-addicted sex offenders, and Ivy League education for pardoned death row inmates,” leaked average taxpayer Karl Rove. “Still, such a large tax increase seems excessive, especially since they intend to cut military pay in half, eliminate the Border Patrol and sell surplus weapons to al Qaeda.”

Kramer Kid Update: The baby, probably fearing that he/she will fall under the “capital gains tax” laws, is still a no-show.