RUMMY QUESTIONS JEWISH MANHOOD

Israelites “French of the Middle East”

(Washington) While most administration officials are publicly lending support to the tenuous cease-fire in the Middle East, Spurious George has learned there are others who are privately expressing disgust with Israel’s French-like tendencies. Particularly nauseated is Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, who confided to a not-unsympathetic World Bank head Paul Wolfowitz, “I’m beginning to wonder if the Star of David isn’t just two pink triangles intertwined in a lewd manner.” Insiders say that the Pentagon chief is incensed with Tel Aviv’s “double-whammy of duplicitous wussiness”: the negotiated settlement with Hezbollah and its refusal to invade Syria as ordered by Washington. “First, we never negotiate with terrorists, unless they’re Saudi royalty,” Rumsfeld is said to have lectured the framed photo of his idol Major General Curtis LeMay that adorns his corner office in the War Room. “Second, when the US tells you to invade someone, you just say, ‘mission accomplished!”

Others in the administration, such as Secretary of Church and State Pat Robertson, believe that the recent Israeli capitulation will set back America’s Middle East agenda back decades. “I ask you, how can the Rapture be brought about if the plains of Armageddon aren’t flowing with the blood of the non-believers?” asked Jesus’ chosen messenger to a framed photo of his idol, Reverend Jim Jones. With a heavy sigh he then lamented that “once again Christian everywhere have been betrayed by the Jews.”

Even Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, whose efforts at diplomacy, to the surprise of many, did not unduly delay peace talks, admitted that she was disappointed with Israel’s willingness to come to the table. “Reliable intelligence revealed that Osama bin Laden himself was just a few mere miles behind Hezbollah’s front lines in southern Lebanon,” asserted the future first female President, and a woman who has never, ever lied in her life (to accuse otherwise only reveals her critics’ racism.) “That said, if America experiences another 9/11, blame must be placed on the Israelis. Or the Democrats. Maybe Ned Lamont. Hard to say.”

Downplaying dissention in the ranks, President Bush denied the US advocated a military incursion into Syria by Israeli forces, citing his long history of using military might only as a last resort. “As you all know, I’m a hundred percent against unprovoked aggression,” giggled “the Peace President while enjoying a game of Risk© with the Vice President. “That said, all options are on the table.”

Note: Blogger seems to be having problems with posting images today...no doubt the Democrats are behind it!