Tuesday, August 15, 2006

RUMMY QUESTIONS JEWISH MANHOOD

Israelites “French of the Middle East”

(Washington) While most administration officials are publicly lending support to the tenuous cease-fire in the Middle East, Spurious George has learned there are others who are privately expressing disgust with Israel’s French-like tendencies. Particularly nauseated is Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, who confided to a not-unsympathetic World Bank head Paul Wolfowitz, “I’m beginning to wonder if the Star of David isn’t just two pink triangles intertwined in a lewd manner.” Insiders say that the Pentagon chief is incensed with Tel Aviv’s “double-whammy of duplicitous wussiness”: the negotiated settlement with Hezbollah and its
refusal to invade Syria as ordered by Washington. “First, we never negotiate with terrorists, unless they’re Saudi royalty,” Rumsfeld is said to have lectured the framed photo of his idol Major General Curtis LeMay that adorns his corner office in the War Room. “Second, when the US tells you to invade someone, you just say, ‘mission accomplished!”

Others in the administration, such as Secretary of Church and State Pat Robertson, believe that the recent Israeli capitulation will set back America’s Middle East agenda back decades. “I ask you, how can the Rapture be brought about if the plains of Armageddon aren’t flowing with the blood of the non-believers?” asked Jesus’ chosen messenger to a framed photo of his idol, Reverend Jim Jones. With a heavy sigh he then lamented that “once again Christian everywhere have been betrayed by the Jews.”

Even Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, whose efforts at diplomacy, to the surprise of many, did not unduly delay peace talks, admitted that she was disappointed with Israel’s willingness to come to the table. “Reliable intelligence revealed that Osama bin Laden himself was just a few mere miles behind Hezbollah’s front lines in southern Lebanon,” asserted the future first female President, and a woman who has never, ever lied in her life (to accuse otherwise only reveals her critics’ racism.) “That said, if America experiences another 9/11, blame must be placed on the Israelis. Or the Democrats. Maybe Ned Lamont. Hard to say.”

Downplaying dissention in the ranks, President Bush denied the US advocated a military incursion into Syria by Israeli forces, citing his long history of using military might only as a last resort. “As you all know, I’m a hundred percent against unprovoked aggression,” giggled “the Peace President while enjoying a game of Risk© with the Vice President. “That said, all options are on the table.”


Note: Blogger seems to be having problems with posting images today...no doubt the Democrats are behind it!

6 Comments:

At 10:20 PM, Anonymous gordo said...

Great post as usual, Rex. Israel, like too many other nations, wants to replicate the role that the French played in WWII. Thank the good Lord that President Bush realizes the importance of playing the German role.

 
At 1:12 AM, Blogger Dude said...

What troubles me Rex is Israel's failure to "Adapt-To-Win". They jumped right over "Stay-the-course" and started "cutting and running". Sounds like a bunch of Democrats to me.

 
At 8:30 AM, Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Gordo: You've hit the weiner on the schnitzel, my friend. I have it on good authority that whenever he plays Risk, Bush starts as "Northern Europe," immediately kicks "Western Europe's" ass before moving onto the Middle East!

Dude: Excellent point. Despite being propped up by the Republican party, Israel shares many troubling traits with the Democrats. These people think all impasses can be solved with diplomacy, when we all know we're living in a "shock and awe" world!

 
At 9:32 AM, Blogger pissed off patricia said...

And they only fought for thirty some days and realized they couldn't win. Maybe they got the memo.

Hell, takes America way longer than that and lots more blood shed and costs before they admit they fu*ked the whole damn thing up. Where is our memo?

 
At 6:17 PM, Anonymous Elizabeth Branford said...

Oh sure, I go on vacation and you move your digs...Show off... smirking danger seeker, with your swanky new three column layout...mumble mumble.

I'm not sure how you enticed my "American Pundit" model for your header...but you can have her. She was a pain in the ass. Always making the women write letters about objectification... 'Why the whore on the dome though?" they'd ask... good riddance.

Seriously though- I'll be nice to you again if you give me your template.

 
At 10:32 PM, Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

POP: This is America...who has time for memos? If the message can't be squeezed into a Fox News Ticker, it isn't worth knowing!

EB: You're talking about my wife, so tread lightly! If you ask me, she looks pretty damn good after 2 kids and a third on the way (of course, any woman's appearance is only enhanced with a little flag-wrapping!)

That said, I must once again praise TBR's Dude for the layout (no, really, I must...it's in my contract.) For a hippie, he has a great work ethic, and really cam through for me...now if only Blogger could get that same attitude and fix the picture-posting problem (kidding Blogger, I love ya!) As for the template, I saved it before I started really mucking it up too much, so I'll forward to you via the TBR site.

 

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