LIKE DROPPING GAS PRICES? HUG A REPUBLICAN!

$1 Gallons Expected by Mid-November

(Undisclosed Location) According to the polls that are read daily by President Bush (a voracious reader) and other leading Republicans, Americans are becoming increasingly concerned about gas prices as the traditional travel holidays approach. Always responsive to the needs of middle and low class Americans, GOP lawmakers have been quietly and without fanfare laying the groundwork for a significant drop in fuel prices prior to Election Day. “Clearly, we’re in the last throes of high prices at the pump,” confidently asserted Vice President and the nation’s energy czar Dick Cheney. “The worst case scenario is that premium will be selling a $1 per gallon by the time Americans go to the polls. More than likely, we’ll be giving gas away.”



While many economists suggest that a rapidly-stabilizing Iraq (thanks to Bush’s no cut-and-run policy) is primarily responsible for the predicted plummeting prices for petrol, others suggest that the general tenets of the “Bush Doctine” have had the greatest effect. “What oil-producing nation in their right mind would gouge America when they know they could easily be plotted on the Axis of Evil©?” pondered Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. “I mean, selling oil at $1 per barrel sounds pretty good when you consider the alternative is turning their oilfields into radioactive wastelands!” Rumsfeld then excused himself, as his erection had become embarrassingly obvious.

Addressing the predictable conspiracy theories put forth by Democrats regarding the “suspicious” timing of the price drops, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) questioned the priorities of the opposition party. “It seems that Democrats would rather be in power than have all Americans enjoy access to cheap, or possibly even free fuel.” Frist, who has long blamed inflated gas prices on the liberals’ inexcusable appeasement to the islamo-fascist oil cartels, testified that the President’s vision for an America-friendly Middle East has once again proven that the Democrats are incapable of leading this country. “If it were up to them,” truthfully opined the Tennessee oracle, “we’d be buying gas at $5 a gallon from Osama himself.”