Sunday, August 27, 2006

IS OBAMA HIV-POSITIVE?

Presidential Hopeful Leave US for Treatment

(Nairobi, Kenya) Republicans concerned about the upcoming mid-term elections mouth-breathed a sigh of relief, secure (like our borders) in the knowledge that at least the White House will be in GOP hands until at least 2012. Patriotic conservative leaders had been worried about the meteoric rise of Barrack Obama’s popularity, but are now content that his presidential aspirations have been dashed by news that
the Illinois Senator might have AIDS.

While details, like the Democrats’ political platform, are still fuzzy, Spurious George has been able to confirm that Obama recently traveled to Kenya, where he was tested for the dreaded HIV virus. Results of the test are not yet known, and may not be known for some time; Kenyan health officials have complained that the country’s only laboratory is critically short of the medicine men and chicken bones necessary to process the large number of samples submitted by visiting Democrats. “Click-click-click-a-ooga,” raged the lab’s director, clearly upset by the chaos the Senator’s photo-op visit has caused.

Most conservatives expressed sympathy for Obama’s possible infection, for as true Christians they have been taught to hate the sin and not the sinner. Still, political pundits couldn’t help but weigh in regarding how this development might hinder what was once a promising future. “Whether he got it from unprotected anal sex, unprotected hooker sex, or sharing a needle with Ted Kennedy, HIV means Obama’s hopes for the White House are DOA,” pronounced Sen. Bill Frist (R-TN,) who as a doctor knows a dead-man-walking when he sees one. Frist immediately introduced legislation that would keep Obama literally “on the other side of the aisle” for the remainder of his Senate term, lest he infect his more America-loving (and intravenous drug-hating) colleagues.

Others, however weren’t as open-minded as Senator Frist. “I’m black. I’m a politician. I’m AIDS-free,” proudly announced former presidential candidate Alan Keyes who, despite being an African-American, does not hate America. “Why aren’t I mentioned as a serious contender for the White House? If you ask me, Barrack’s affliction was God’s way of telling him to know his place…which obviously is the nearest steambath/crack house.”

Note: Even Rex Kramer (Danger Seeker) knows that AIDS isn’t funny. However, if one of the talking heads doesn’t at least float the idea that Obama’s HIV test wasn’t entirely symbolic, well, I’ll get out of the satire business altogether.

11 Comments:

At 12:51 PM, Blogger AJ said...

Clearly, this is proof that Liberal & Demonic evil forces have allied with the UFO's to instill the deranged desires of normal men waking up one morning then fantasizing about hairy sausage and balls rubbing across their face - then proceeding to order a case or two of poppers online.
Ah uh.

 
At 3:15 PM, Blogger Dude said...

Chicken bones?? Tell me you didn't say chicken bones.

 
At 3:40 PM, Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

AJ: That was the most disturbing thing ever to appear on SG...and that's saying something.

Dude: I knew somebody would get their panties all in a bunch over that remark. I was referring, of course, to the voodoo rite of tossing chicken bones to predict the future. Anything else you read into that speaks to your own bigotry, sir!

 
At 5:40 PM, Blogger abi said...

if one of the talking heads doesn’t at least float the idea that Obama’s HIV test wasn’t entirely symbolic...

My money's on Coulter.

Speaking of witch, who does a red-blooded America-lover fantasize about more - Coulter or Katherine Harris?

 
At 9:49 PM, Anonymous ElizabethBranford said...

Ok first you planted that picture of Dave Chappelle on crack and tried to pass it off as my beloved Obama..

Kramer have you lost your mind with this post????

Then...THEN...my sweet AJ has to go and post THAT in here. ((shudder))

Just walk away...just...walk...away.

 
At 11:23 PM, Blogger Callooh said...

hey der, dats MY Obama yer talkin 'bout - and bein' a advanced user of da chickin bones I'll have yous no - he's healthy as a heafer.

sheesh, wot's next, makin' fun of entrail gazin'?! are there NO levels ta which ya will NOT steep ta mock?

 
At 6:20 AM, Blogger WeezieLou said...

as a virginal reader and poster here, i have to say i was stunned, horrified and alienated - not at all. having come to know and...uh...love rex, i find of his brand of humor rather amusing (has that tonrdao torn this shit outta him yet??

Louise

 
At 9:13 AM, Anonymous gordo said...

Rex--

I'm thinking that we ought to push for a ban on AIDS tests.

It's bad enough that the strumpets you see flaunting their bodies all over town are allowed to wear scandalously high hemlines and low necklines. Now they can flash documentation that they are HIV negative.

For most red-blooded young men, HIV- will beat WWJD every time.

 
At 1:48 PM, Blogger DivaJood said...

Dangnation. Clearly this is all part of the Gay Agenda.

 
At 6:48 PM, Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

Those senators and their trips to Africa are the real threat.

 
At 5:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who cares if Obama is Pozitive or not. He is a good man with good views.

 

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