DARWIN WAS A NAZI!

Hitler Had “Fish With Legs” Symbol on His Beemer

(Auschwitz) World-renowned hate expert Ann Coulter has finally and authoritatively placed the blame for the Holocaust on whom it truly belongs: Charles Darwin! While most associate the British evolutionist with cute little monkeys and care-free turtles, a new documentary starring America’s prettiest pundit has revealed that were it not for his radical, Jesus-hating ideas, Hitler would have become little more than an obscure Austrian artist with a bad mustache. “To put it simply, no Darwin, no Hitler,” reasonably asserts Darwin’s Deadly Legacy narrator Dr. D. James Kennedy, who, despite his last name, probably doesn’t hate America. “Hitler tried to speed up evolution, to help it along, and millions suffered and died in unspeakable ways because of it.”

The ground-breaking film, deemed too factual for broadcast by the mainstream media, will be televised August 26th and 27th by Florida’s Coral Ridge Ministries on its award-winning Coral Ridge Hour (channel 849 ½ .) Fourteen scholars, including Coulter’s favorite scientist and author of Darwin’s Black Box Michael Behe, meticulously outline “the grim consequences of Darwin’s theory of evolution and show how his theory fueled Hitler’s ovens.” Behe, cited often by Coulter in her latest masterpiece Godless: The Church of Liberalism, also cites gay marriage, the establishment of the death tax and illegal Mexican immigrants as pre-cursors to the rise of national socialism, but summarizes that the movement would have died a quiet death had it not been for Darwin’s blasphemous theories. “In a little-known manuscript, Darwin predicted that the ultimate product of evolution would be brown-shirted, blonde-haired, and blue-eyed Aryans!” asserted Behe, who declined SG’s request to examine these documents, stating that “his liberal dog had eaten them.”

Long-time Coulter worshipers know well her pioneering work in the field of Darwin-debunking, and her contributions to Darwin’s Deadly Legacy gave it the star power necessary for the Academy Award nomination it will inevitable receive. “Evolution,” she sexily breathes in one scene, “is one notch above Scientology in scientific rigor.” Later in the film Coulter, dressed only in a string bikini and slathered head-to-toe in Crisco Oil, Coulter ritualistically beats a monkey to death with an iron crucifix, then, after tearing into two a picture of Darwin, screeches “Fight the real power!”